"Скажите, лебеди" / "Tell me, my swans" - Video, translation

This is one of my favorite songs, and I am glad I finally got to translate it. It has everything: great Soviet-era-type-of orchestra, sad memories of fallen soldiers, and some native Russian vocal inflections.

This version of the song is much more "folk," and I suspect that this is the original version.

Here is my "true-to-the-original-text" translation:


- Tell me, swans, tell me, my white birds,
 And where have you been swimming, where have you been?
- We swam into the sea toward the boats,
And we built nests for our swan mates.

- Tell me, swans, my good friends,
And what have you seen in the wild steppe?
- We have seen a burial mound and tall wild artemesias,
A mass grave for soldiers, a solemn grave

- Tell me, swans, tell me, my dear,
And who was pouring tears over that grave?
- People never cried over it, only the foggy rains did.
The soldiers who lay there are all unknown soldiers

- Tell me, swans, my proud birds,
Where are those heroic soldiers buried?
-  Keep in your heart undying love of your country
And your heart will show you the shortest way

- Thank you, swans! Fly away, my white birds.


Here is Draft 1 of my Americanized translation:


- Tell me, my swans, my beautiful ones,

Where have you been, what have you seen?

- We have been swimming near the seasides,

Wieving our nests with our beautiful brides.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my friends,

What have you seen in our heartlands?

- A place where tall weeds cover the ground

Over great many soldiers in a burial mound.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my brave,

Who has been mourning over that grave?

- Only the rains have shed their tears,

For soldiers who lay there are all unknown heros.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my sweet,

Where is that place? Where can we find it?

- Just love your country as much as did they;

Your heart will show you the shortest way.

- Thank you, my swans, my beautiful ones. 

I just tried to sing my translation, and it sounds horrible! :) English words have fewer syllables, so they do not stretch as nicely. The word "swan" is much, much harder to stretch out than the word "lie-bie-dee".

So, after trying it out a couple of times, I am cleaning up some sentences, to give the words more room to stretch:

 Here is Draft 2 of my Americanized version:

Tell me, my swans, the snow-white ones,

Where have you been, what have you seen?

- We have been swimming near the seasides,

Our nests we were weiving for our brides.

- Tell me, my swans, my dear friends,

What have you seen in our heartlands?

- A place where tall weeds cover the ground

Over the soldiers in a burial mound.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my brave,

Who has been mourning over that grave?

- Only the rains have shed the tears.

Soldiers who lay there are unknown heroes.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my sweet,

Where is that place? Where can we find it?

- Just love your country as much as did they.

Your heart will show you the shortest way.

- Thank you, my swans, the snow-white ones.