Ветром Стать - To become the wind - REVISION #1

I have to crop a few lines, for them to fit into the beat. Here are my revisions # 2 through #15 or so....

Hey, when I die, I will become the Wind

And live right near you in a tree

And when you die, you will become the Sun

And, once again, you will rise above me.

Like Autumn wind, I will be near,

Fall at your feel, like morning dew

Can you hear? I whisper in your ear:

"My Sun, where are you? My Sun, where are you?"

Chorus:

But no, don't hurry yet to become the Sun

Listen - I will sing to you until dawn,

With the air you brease I will be one,
And now I will be your Wind.

I will blow the snowflakes from your face,

Your precious smiles I will chase,

Carry your songs above the lakes..

And now I will be your Wind.

Hey, when I die, I will become the Breeze,

Fall on the ground like the snow.

I will kiss your pretty face with ease,

You'll be my only joy, you know?

And when you die, you will become the Sun

And melt my snows like my fears

And when the flowers spring on the lawns

My icicles will turn into tears.

Chorus:

But no, don't hurry yet to become the Sun

Listen - I will sing to you until dawn,

With the air you brease I will be one,
And now I will be your Wind.

I will blow the snowflakes from your face,

Your precious smiles I will chase,

Carry your songs above the lakes..

And now I will be your Wind.

But no, don't hurry yet to become the Sun

Listen - I will sing to you until dawn,

With the air you brease I will be one,
And now I will be your Wind.

I will blow the snowflakes from your face,

Your precious smiles I will chase,

Carry your songs above the lakes..

And now I will be your Wind.

Whew. Much better. But still not perfect. Never perfect enough!

No Angels - tried again

I found just the guitar beat on MusicCo. Very happy about that, since the old минусовка left too much of the original vocals in the chorus section, it was totally overpowering my own voice.

I practiced with this new version a few times, and found that I speak too slowly. The beat goes a bit faster than I can pronounce the words. That is probably because I am trying to articulate every sound in each word the best I can, to compensate for my accent. So, I either need to increase the speed and let my accent be what it is, or retain the slow speed and just continue with the new speed....

But we are no angels - revised

I revised the lyrics a bit to better fit the beat.

You plunge into the night

As you dreamed through the day,

Bounding your soul tight,

Throwing the masks away.

There is blood on your face

Tell them it is just some lip gloss.

Words fail to make a phrase,

But angels don't need no words.

Chorus:

But we are no angels, by far,

No, we are no angels,

Dark beasts we are,

And we carry the rage in us.

If we were asked what are we longing for,

Then we want to soar, yes, we want to soar.

But we are no angels, by far,

No, we are no angels,

Lost our ranks and stars in so many hells,

Being neither trusted nor loved no more.

People esteem just those wings that we wore before.

We are no angels.

Where do you belong?

Over how many roofs you flew?

In a slumber for too long -

Too long for a beast like you.

Maybe it's time to fall down?

Down where your eyes glow bright?

Drop your white robes and crown.

Beast - they don't wear white.

Chorus:

But we are no angels, by far,

No, we are no angels,

Dark beasts we are,

And we carry the rage in us.

If we were asked what are we longing for,

Then we want to soar, yes, we want to soar.

But we are no angels, by far,

No, we are no angels,

Lost our ranks and stars in so many hells,

Being neither trusted nor loved no more.

People esteem just those wings that we wore before.

We are no angels.

We are no angels, nooo!

I just tried recording this version with my own voice over the recording. It was not too bad for a first try. The KaraokeMaster was not too bad for the first two tries, but then I think I screwed something up and now I can't reduce the original vocals. Will try to shut it down and restart it again, to see if that might help.

Just downloaded Audacity on the desktop, and tried reducing the vocals there... No such luck, KaraokeMaster actually did a better job...

Just found http://fonogramm.net/. The file there has the original vocals only in the chorus section. Better than nothing, I guess, and it is especially good for practicing singing on my own. Right now I am having a heard time identifying the beat where the vocals are supposed to start, it is a bit counter-intuitive in this song.

"Скажите, лебеди" / "Tell me, my swans" - Video, translation

This is one of my favorite songs, and I am glad I finally got to translate it. It has everything: great Soviet-era-type-of orchestra, sad memories of fallen soldiers, and some native Russian vocal inflections.

This version of the song is much more "folk," and I suspect that this is the original version.

Here is my "true-to-the-original-text" translation:


- Tell me, swans, tell me, my white birds,
 And where have you been swimming, where have you been?
- We swam into the sea toward the boats,
And we built nests for our swan mates.

- Tell me, swans, my good friends,
And what have you seen in the wild steppe?
- We have seen a burial mound and tall wild artemesias,
A mass grave for soldiers, a solemn grave

- Tell me, swans, tell me, my dear,
And who was pouring tears over that grave?
- People never cried over it, only the foggy rains did.
The soldiers who lay there are all unknown soldiers

- Tell me, swans, my proud birds,
Where are those heroic soldiers buried?
-  Keep in your heart undying love of your country
And your heart will show you the shortest way

- Thank you, swans! Fly away, my white birds.


Here is Draft 1 of my Americanized translation:


- Tell me, my swans, my beautiful ones,

Where have you been, what have you seen?

- We have been swimming near the seasides,

Wieving our nests with our beautiful brides.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my friends,

What have you seen in our heartlands?

- A place where tall weeds cover the ground

Over great many soldiers in a burial mound.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my brave,

Who has been mourning over that grave?

- Only the rains have shed their tears,

For soldiers who lay there are all unknown heros.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my sweet,

Where is that place? Where can we find it?

- Just love your country as much as did they;

Your heart will show you the shortest way.

- Thank you, my swans, my beautiful ones. 

I just tried to sing my translation, and it sounds horrible! :) English words have fewer syllables, so they do not stretch as nicely. The word "swan" is much, much harder to stretch out than the word "lie-bie-dee".

So, after trying it out a couple of times, I am cleaning up some sentences, to give the words more room to stretch:

 Here is Draft 2 of my Americanized version:

Tell me, my swans, the snow-white ones,

Where have you been, what have you seen?

- We have been swimming near the seasides,

Our nests we were weiving for our brides.

- Tell me, my swans, my dear friends,

What have you seen in our heartlands?

- A place where tall weeds cover the ground

Over the soldiers in a burial mound.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my brave,

Who has been mourning over that grave?

- Only the rains have shed the tears.

Soldiers who lay there are unknown heroes.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my sweet,

Where is that place? Where can we find it?

- Just love your country as much as did they.

Your heart will show you the shortest way.

- Thank you, my swans, the snow-white ones. 

Alex Ponomarev "А мы не ангелы, парень" / Alex Ponomarev: "But we are no angels" - Video, translations

This is a song that I have been dying to translate since I first heard it. The harsh lyrics of the song really made a lasting impression on me.

 

The more popular BI-2/AK/Lumen version is shorter by one куплет, and this is the one I will be using for my translation for now. The thirds куплет is too strange in it's meaning for me.

This is my own "true-to-the-song" translation:

You were discovering the night,

All in it that you could afford,

Tearing off the masks,

Keeping your soul bound.

There is blood on your cheek,

Which you will claim to be a lipstick,

Fuck the maze of words,

Angels don't need no words.

But we are no angel, boy,

We are no angels,

We are dark beasts,

And our screws are lose,

And if you would ask us what do we want,

We would soar, yes, we would soar.

But we are no angels, boy,

No, we are no angels,

There in the fires

We have lost our stripes,

Those of our kind are neither loved, nor trusted

People trust only those who have the feathers.

Hundreds of sleepy roofs

What were you looking there for, boy?

You have been in a slumber for too long,

Too long for a beast like yourself.

Isn't it time to go down,

Down, where you breathe with your body?

Loose your clean sheet,

Beasts don't wear white.

This song was kind of tough to master because I was not always sure what the author was trying to say in the first place. Also, the laconic phrases (and the corresponding beats) left very little wiggle room. English sentences demand presence of certain structures that Russian sentences do not, so I also had to find a way around the long English structures. 

Draft 1 of my "Americanized" version:

You plunged into the night

As you dreamed through the day,

Bounding your soul tight,

Throwing the masks away.

There is blood on your face

Tell them it is just lipgloss

Words won't knit the lace of phrase

But angels don't need no words.

Chorus:

But we are no angels, by far,

No, we are no angels,

Dark beasts that we are,

And we burn no candles,

And if you were to ask us what we were longing for,

Then we want to soar, yes, we would want to soar.
But we are no angels, by far,

No, we are no angels,

Having lost our stripes and stars

In the fires of many hells,

We are being neither trusted nor loved no more.

People want to see just the wings that we wore before.

Where do you belong?
Over how many roofs you flew?

In a slumber for too long - 

Too long for a beast like you.

Isn't it is time to fall down,

Down where your eyes glow bright?

Drop your white robes and crown.

Beast - they don't wear white.

There are some obvious sentence structure problems with a couple of the sentences, but I will leave everything like it is now and go drink some more milk and honey and watch another round of LOTR. :)

Milk and Honey time

I just came back from another 2-months-long trip to Russia, and I caught some terrible virus on my plane back to the US. The darn thing knocked me off my feet for 4 straight days, and I am still recovering. One of the side effects I have been fighting is cough, accompanies by loss of voice. I sound like Darth Vader or worse.

So, of course, staying in bed is the best time for staring new hobbies. So, here I am. I just went and bought myself a Karaoke Master from Microcenter near my house. My husband graciously agreed to pay for it.

Can't wait to try my hand as de-voicing a few songs and seeing how good the software is. Also, the software box promises a few singing lessons (hearing intervals, chords, rhythms), which I of course need to be able to sing in the first place. So,,,,,,,,, now just waiting on my cold or flue or whatever this thing is to let go of me, so I could be off to another misadventure.

МакСим "Ветром Стать" / MakSim "To become the wind" - Draft 1 translation

This is the second Russian song I attempted to translate. It is one of my recent favorites.

I did not care for this official video clip. And the video's translation was so-so.

My true-to-the-song translation:

When I die, I will become the Wind

And live on the roof of your home.

When you die, you will become the Sun

And you will rise above me, once again

Like an Autumn breeze, I will fly

With you wherever you go

You won't hear it when I whisper quietly

"My Sun, where are you?" 

Chorus:

But please don't be the Sun quiet yet, you hear me?

I will sing you my songs from your roof

I will become that what you breathe once again - 

All that is left is for me to become the Wind

I will wait just for your smiles

I will listen only to your CDs

I will blow snowflakes from your eyelashes -

All that is left is for me to become the Wind

When I die, I will become the Wind,

Falling on the ground with the snow,

I will laugh, flying next to you wherever you go

And I will be the happiest in this world

When you die, you will become the Sun

And you will melt my frosts,

And mimosas will blossom in the orchards,

And the icicles in my heart will turn to tears.

Draft 1 of my "Americanized" translation

Hey, when I die, I will become the Wind

And live right near you in a tree

And when you die, you will become the Sun

And, once again, you will rise above me.

Like Autumn wind, I will be always near

Fall at your feel, like morning dew

Can you hear? I whisper gently in your ear:

"My Sun, where are you? My Sun, where are you?"

Chorus:

But please, don't hurry yet to become my Sun

Listen, I will sings songs to you until dawn,

Fell, with the air you breath I will be one,

Now all that's left is to become the Wind.

From your eyelashes I will blow the snowflakes,

Dance to the sounds that your heart makes,

Carry your songs above the woods and lakes..

Now all that is left is to become the Wind.

Hey, when I die, I will become the Breeze,

And fall on the ground with the snow.

I will kiss your lips, your face with ease,

You will be my only joy, you know?

When you die, you will become the Sun

And melt my snows like my fears

And when first flowers spring on your lawn

The icicles in my heart will turn to tears.

Chorus:

But please, don't hurry yet to become my Sun

Listen, I will sings songs to you until dawn,

Fell, with the air you breath I will be one,

Now all that's left is to become the Wind.

From your eyelashes I will blow the snowflakes,

Dance to the sounds that your heart makes,

Carry your songs above the woods and lakes..

Now all that is left is to become the Wind.

 I will need to adjust the translation to fit the rhythm of the song better, but I will wait to do it once my throat is better and I can actually try to sing my translated version.

Another day, another blog

Not very creative of me, but hey....