The un-air raid alerts / Безвоздушная тревога

I talked to my honey, and he was originally not very impressed with the song.

He didn't like the idea of the made-up words ("un-air raid" and "sur-squared"), and had trouble understanding them even after I tried to explain several times. He also didn't understand the reference to the dog and the lion. He said he never heard of it, it is not part of the Bible that is usually read or quoted. That is very sad, indeed, as it is an interesting reference that I hoped would be well understood by the audience.

He and I also tried to find, unsuccessfully for now, a replacement for the word "seized" (by Jerushaliam), since the word "seized" has a very specific connotation that makes that sentence harder to understand than it already is.

However, when he listened to the song, he said he liked it a bit better. I guess the melody provides a nice enough background to compensate for the complexity of the meanings.

The un-air raid alarms / Безвоздушная тревога - My version #1

1. The Fates once again are changing the scripts -

2. What have been sown shall now be reaped.

3. Casting the dice are a dog and a lion.

4. The rings of old chains are starting to fasten

5. Hiding the curse under the luster.

6. I have been seized by Juerushaliam....

Chorus:

C1. Stay in the row,

C2. Messier Captain of my prodigal soul,

C3. While the city sings the strange lullaby

C4. Of un-air raid alerts.

C5. Go with the flow,

C6. Don't surrender, do not sell yourself low.

C7. Flaring up, raining down from the sky

C8. The un-air raid alerts.

7. The sand in the glass runs faster and faster.

8. Best of intentions have been a disaster.

9. Trouble again in the heavenly shore.

10. Steady Tin Soldier is slumped in the chair.

11. He is surrounded; he is sur-squared.

12. Time to get up and finish this war.

Chorus:

C1. Stay in the row,

C2. Messier Captain of my prodigal soul,

C3. While the city sings the strange lullaby

C4. Of un-air raid alerts.

C5. Go with the flow,

C6. Don't surrender, do not sell yourself low.

C7. Flaring up, raining down from the sky

C8. The un-air raid alerts.

I have to consult with my husband about lines #4, 9, C1, C4, and C6.

The chorus gave me the most trouble, obviously, because of the major points that I wanted to keep about The Steady Tin Soldier being "sur-squared"  and the "un-air raid" sirens don't really land themselves to easy manipulations.

So, i will be tinker some more later.

Yerushaláyim

Just found a possible Hebrew pronunciation of "Jerusalem." Apparently, there are two ways to pronounce that name, and one of them appears in a song here:
http://www.hebrewsongs.com/?SongID=2541 

They sing "Lashanah haba'ah Biy'rushalaim"

However, it looks like the B in front of "Iy'rushalaim" is the prefix of some kind to indicate "in Jerusalem."

I went to Ask.com, and they, just like the Wiki, state that Hebrew pronunciation is "Yerushaláyim" (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080713093034AAjvMfU) . The readers' comments in that section seem to confirm the spelling, but the stress that I hear being placed on the "Je-rOO-ShalaYIm" in the song is said to be placed just on the JerOO portion of the name.... I will go ahead with the song's spelling "Iy'rushalaim" and emphasis for now.

Un-aerial alert, BI-2 / Безвоздушная Тревога, БИ-2 - my next project

Here is my next victim. I can see right away that working with the chorus part will be difficult, since the original sentences are short, and are very specific in their meaning.

Вновь у судьбы меняются планы
С неба вернулся брошенный камень
Было одним, стало другим.

В долгой цепи замыкаются звенья
Каждый звонок, как состав преступленья
Держит меня Иерусалим.

Ровно дыши,
Капитан моей распущенной души

В этом городе так странно звучит 

Безвоздушная тревога

Жить не спеши,

Не сдавайся, не меняй на гроши

Разгорится и погаснет в ночи

Безвоздушная тревога

В этой картине сгущаются краски

Искренне любят, но терпят фиаско

Что-то опять случилось в раю.

Стойку обнял оловянный солдатик

Он окружен, а точней оквадрачен,

Время платить и закончить войну.

Here is my "true to the song" translation:

Once again, the Fate is changing it's plans,
And what we have sown will be reaped,
What once was one is now different.
The links in this long chain are locking in,
Each call is like an element of a crime,
I am being seized by Jerusalem

Chorus:
Steady, now,
The Captain of my loose soul,
This city is strangely full of sounds
Of un-air raid alerts.
Do not hurry to live to the fullest,
Do not surrender, do not sell yourself short.
Flare up and fall into the night
The an-air raid alerts.

The prospects are rapidly darkening.
Loving truly, but suffering a full fiasco.
Something has happened again in the heavens!
The Steady Tin Soldier is hugging the bar,
He is surrounded, or more like sur-squared.
It is time to pay up and finish this war.


Chorus:
Steady, now,
The Captain of my loose soul,
This city is strangely full of sounds
Of un-air raid alerts.
Do not hurry to live to the fullest,
Do not surrender, do not sell yourself short.
Flare up and fall into the night
The an-air raid alerts.



I made some adjustments to the original text to make it understandable to English audience. I could not find fitting translations for "C неба вернулся брошенный камень" and "В этой картине сгущаются краски". My hubby is telling me that there are no parallel proverbs / saying in English. Also, the reference to the Tin Soldier required a bit of research on Wikipedia!

I cannot wait to start working on the "rhyming" version, I loooove this song and have it playing over and over again, it is such a soothing melody (to me). But, it is almost 2 am. I think I better let it go for the night.

P.S. I need to locate someone who can  speak Hebrew and tell me how to pronounce the name "Jerusalem" properly. Since Jerusalem does not have any natural or easy rhymes in English, I may just as well "go Hebrew" and see whether any words will rhyme with the original pronunciation.

Ветром Стать / To become the wind - Practicing

I am trying to practice my "To become the Wind," and it is a hard song to sing, I am out of my breath constantly, especially in the last part of the chorus. I need to shorten the sentence length further if I want to be able to sing it comfortably....

I am thinking about leaving everything like it is for a couple of days, and trying it over and over again to see which specific sounds are causing the problems, and then try my hand at it again then.

Скажите, лебеди / Tell Me My Swans - Ready to go

I tried the song out, and, amazingly, it works very well. The only trouble are the words "swimming" and "country," which do not land themselves to an easy vocal stretch, but I am working on it.

My hubby listened to my version of the song yesterday, and said that the words were very hard to understand because of the long weave pattern. Other than that, he liked the song.

I am going to leave the lyrics unchanged for now and move on to some of the BI-2 songs before coming back to Russian folk songs.

Here is the final version of the lyrics.

Tell me, my swans, the snow-white ones,

Where have you been, what have you seen?

- We have been swimming near the seasides,

Our nests were weaving for our brides.

- Tell me, my swans, my dear friends,

What have you seen in our heartlands?

- A place where tall weeds cover the ground

Over the soldiers in a burial mound.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my brave,

Who has been mourning over that grave?

- Only the rains have shed the tears.

Soldiers who lay there are unknown heroes.

- Tell me, my swans, tell me, my sweet,

Where is that place? How can we find it?

- Just love your country as much as did they.

Your hearts will show you the shortest way.

- Thank you, my swans, the snow-white ones.

Ветром Стать - To become the wind - REVISION #2

I tried singing my latest revision, but the lengths of some sentences make it hard to match the beat. I am taking a break from my GRE studies, so it is a perfect time to clean up some of the lines.

Here is the latest version so far. Closer to the beat.

When I die, I will become the Wind

And live right near you in a tree

And when you die, you will be the Sun

And, once again, you will rise above me.

Like Autumn wind, I will be near,

Fall at your feet, like morning dew

When I whisper, can you hear?

"My Sun, where are you? My Sun, where are you?"

Chorus:

But don't hurry yet to become the Sun

I will sing songs to you until dawn,

With the very air I will be one,
As soon as I am the Wind.

I will blow the snowflakes off your face,

Your shiny smiles I will chase,

Carry your songs above the lakes..

As soon as I am the Wind.

When I die, I will become the Breeze,

Fall on the ground like the snow.

I will touch your lovely face with ease,

You'll be my only joy, you know?

And when you die, you will be the Sun

And melt my snows like my fears

And when the flowers spring on the lawns

My icicles will turn into tears.

Chorus:

But don't hurry yet to become the Sun

I will sing songs to you until dawn,

With the very air I will be one,
As soon as I am the Wind.

I will blow the snowflakes off your face,

Your shiny smiles I will chase,

Carry your songs above the lakes..

As soon as I am the Wind.

But don't hurry yet to become the Sun

I will sing songs to you until dawn,

With the very air I will be one,
As soon as I am the Wind.

I will blow the snowflakes off your face,

Your shiny smiles I will chase,

Carry your songs above the lakes..

As soon as I am the Wind.